i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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