he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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