I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize