the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In other news, I just burned my penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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