And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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