the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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