i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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