She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
