It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
