dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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