hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
