I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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