my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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