I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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