I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
