Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
