Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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