some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
