is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
