So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
