a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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