hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
