A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
