Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
