im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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