at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
