I love black thongs
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
