if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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