look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
