she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
