Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
