and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
