Plan B is the new Plan A
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
