I'm going to jail i love you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
