Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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