y did u give ur computer a hand job?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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