Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
