a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
