I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
