I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize