Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
