Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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