Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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