even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
