dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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