so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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