I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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