just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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