Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
