Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
