You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
