the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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