And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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