Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
