I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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