cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
