She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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