my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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