so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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