i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
