i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
