North Korea, Best Korea!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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