Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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