I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
