I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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